Alcoholica


I have written about a number of subjects so far, and most of them brushed the topic of something that involves something like this; “beer”. But none of them has put this subject really in its spotlight. As you might have guessed, alcohol does play a large role in my conscious life and awareness.

As I’m writing this, I’m up to my second liter of beer of the day as am sitting in a bus headed towards the even further outskirts of Budapest. This should prove the pride that I felt about my sobriety, that almost lasted five days. 

Sadly, I have to conclude that downing a daily amount at this scale seems less difficult than staying sober thus far. This of course regarding the urges to find something to drink after 16 to 20 hours after the last one. 

Keep in mind, that I’m not {yet} a heavy drinker if you compare it to a “student”, “Irish” or “alcoholic” standards. Keeping a tab, I managed to average out at a liter of beer a day, or a bottle of wine in a maximum of 2 days. The excuses are that if you keep it longer than that opened, it tends to go bad. Nevertheless, my “drinking problem” is at a tipping point. Is it becoming the main goal or the purpose of drinking? 

As far as I can recall, it has served way better as a social and functional drug. Also, it is easier to handle some things with a pint of beer already down the hatch. 

This can come from suppressing emotions and numbing anxiety, or just liking the magical effect of handling something that gives a feeling of comfort. As I said before, it has been an active part of my functioning life for quite some years now. It does show at some points in a few physical forms, for example, the above mentioned desire to drink on a daily basis. But to skip a beat, there are also the mood swings and “instinctive” outbursts and my bowel movement has been also quite funny lately according to my voluntary attacks against my system lately. Oh, and there are probably a number of things that I forgot to mention earlier, regarding.

But it is not all wine is fine, but whiskey is quicker. Suicide is slow by liqueur. 

As I said, I’m momentarily at a tipping point. 

So let’s take a look at why the hell I’m drinking, this time from the beneficial side. First of all, it helps me to keep going. To relax the overworked nerves. To calm the shit down and try to produce something that I find worthwhile. Let it be art or something else “sensible”….

So far that is all I have, there are six and a half blank pages following the previous sentence. Since the last entry had been made quite a few months ago, I find it hard to complete it for the poor sod who started it. 

The current status quo is still in an experimental phase. This is due to a sudden move and the side effects of the lifestyle changes that come along with such an event. Thus far, it is quite the same, aside from the sheer oddity of some night sequences. Shortly put, I have no idea what is and is going to happen, but it will be quite a ride though. 

Two days for a bottle of scotch, with something on the side. At least the cat likes it. 

Further notes from the sports desk will arrive in due time. Hang on tight to your knockers.

Luckily I don’t write about sports.